The need for self-compassion in GMAT prep

If you get a question wrong or a series of questions wrong during practice, do you call yourself stupid or judge yourself to be incapable of scoring high on the GMAT?

If you get a lower than expected score on a GMAT mock, do you consider yourself lacking or unworthy?

If the answers to the above questions are “Yes” or “Mostly Yes”, then this article is for you.

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If you are calling yourself stupid, then there are two of you out there – the one who is getting called “stupid” and the one who is calling the former “stupid”.

What do you think about the current relationship between the two parts of yourself? 

If my colleague makes a mistake and I call him stupid, how would you rate the quality of the relationship between us?

Not very healthy! Right?

If I were a mature and helpful person, what would I do if my colleague makes a mistake?

Help him rectify and learn from the mistake.

What if the colleague repeats the same mistake, what would I do?

Again, help him rectify and learn from the mistake.

What if the colleague repeats the same mistake for the 5th time?

“Rehne de yaar. Tere se na ho paega.” 

Just kidding.

Of course, I can judge the other person and call him incapable. However, my judgment reflects limits to my patience, not what he is capable of. It is entirely possible that he may start getting things right after the 9th attempt. However, probably, I’m not patient enough to help him till his 9th attempt.

Thus, after his 5th attempt, instead of judging him “incapable”, I can call myself “incapable” of being patient enough. 

No?

Wouldn’t this self-judgment be as accurate as my earlier judgment of the other person?

I believe it would be.

However, this judgment would also not be helpful. Judging myself when I come short is not helpful either. Rather, self-judgment is extremely painful because it goes on within oneself.

Since self-judgment is extremely painful, I’d rather judge the other person. 

What is happening is that I’m stuck between two choices – to judge myself or to judge the other person. Between the two, judging the other is much less painful than judging myself. So, that’s what I choose.

However, there is a third choice available to me – COMPASSION. I can choose to be compassionate with my colleague who is struggling to get things right and help him till his 5th attempt. After his 5th attempt, when I see impatience arising in me, I accept my impatience with compassion. I do not judge myself to be impatient just as I do not judge my colleague to be incapable.

I understand that this is where my patience ends and while I may want to be more patient in the future, I don’t need to reject my current self for not meeting my standards of “patience”. I compassionately accept my current limitations.

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When you get questions wrong or get a low score on a mock or the actual exam, you can choose to be COMPASSIONATE with yourself. Tell yourself that you are not going to judge yourself to be incapable. You’ll be with you till the very end. You’ll help yourself work as much as you can and give your best. If it still doesn’t work out, that’s okay. You’ll still love yourself and accept yourself wholeheartedly and without conditions. 

Please know that one of the things we’re most afraid of is SELF-REJECTION – that we’ll reject ourselves, that we’ll find ourselves unworthy of love and affection. This is extremely painful. Thus, we’re very afraid of it.

My request to you is that you take away this possibility. Tell yourself that you would never reject yourself. Others may reject you, but you’ll always be there for you. In whatever situation you find yourself in, you’ll help yourself become better. Becoming better is always possible; becoming good enough depends on social standards.

If you choose to be always with you, you’ll not be afraid of failures because you know that you’ll never be alone; you’ll always be with you. The two parts of yourself will always have a healthy, loving, and compassionate relationship with each other.